Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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