I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
