Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
