Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Pants are for mortals
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
