Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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