Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
