were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
