come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
