My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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