party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
