So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
