no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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