ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
