He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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