she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize