she was so not down for the gang bang
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize