you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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