Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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