i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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