I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
