take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
