you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
