My underwear smells like fireworks.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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