You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
