im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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