Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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