oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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