I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
