So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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