yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
