I just saw a hot homeless man
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
