if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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