He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
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Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
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But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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