I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Small penises have feelings too.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
