I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
