I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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