I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
