it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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