ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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