A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
