He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
