I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
