NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
