White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
