one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
