i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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