He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
