I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
