I haven't been this sober since birth.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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