I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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