mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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