was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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