If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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