jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Pappa wants mamma naked
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
