He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
