If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
