I'm lost and stupid without you.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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