GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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