Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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