stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
