I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
