So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize