Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Pants are for mortals
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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