Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Green mimosas i think yes
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
