dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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