Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
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once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
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I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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