Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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