my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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