did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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