I'm jealous of your bromance
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
